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Title: Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi
Director: Aditya Choprah
Starring: Shah Rukh Khan, Vinay Pathak, Anushka Sharma
Length: about 2 hours and 45 minutes


Plot: The movie is essentially about an ordinary couple who get married in exceptional circumstances. Surinder Sahni (SRK) is a very ordinary, quiet, middle class man who goes to attend the marriage of his teacher's daughter - Taani (Anushka Sharma). The bus carrying the groom and his family meets with an accident which no one survives. Ye sunke bechaari abhaagan dulhan ke pitaji ko dil ka daura padta hai (sob sob) and on his deathbed he expresses his desire that his daughter should now marry SRK. They both agree, get married. When they return home Taani tells SRK that she will be a good wife and all but can never love him. Suri however wants the same old bubbly Taani back. To get her back he agrees when she asks him to enroll herself in a dancing competition. With the help of his best friend (Vinay Pathak) Suri changes his dressup and enters the same competition as Raj. By a freak coincidence he also ends up as her partner. Now Suri must win her heart as Raj and must also help her out of this perpetual sadness that stays in her heart.


My Psychobabble: You know it is very surprising to see a SRK movie that is so low key and so low budget. There are no big fancy sets, shining dresses or that starry eyed dreamy feel that accompany his almost every movie. RNBDJ is simple. Very simple. Its theme, execution, sets, props, locations are far from extravagant and I liked that bit. In this regard it is almost like Welcome To Sajjanpur. A story of few simple ordinary middle class Indian citizens living their ordinary life. The story is interesting if unrealistic. SRK's portrayal of Surinder Sahni (Suri) is quite good. His body language, facial expressions are all as you would expect of a normal middle class Indian man. The typical "SRK" arrogance is completely missing from the character or Suri which my dear readers is a first. I do not recall watching any SRK movie where his acting is not reeking with this particular brand of "SRK arrogance" which is one step short of him actually branding something like "I AM GOD" on his forehead. A surprisingly slimmer Vinay Pathak is amazing in his character. But then he is one of those actors from whom you will expect nothing less. Anushka Sharma (Tanni) is simply irritating. She looks awful, has the acting prowess of an orangutan and can move her body only as gracefully as an 18 wheeler truck trying to do a Salsa number. Paying to watch her contorted face at her horrendous attempt at acting was like shitting a cactus from my arse and then wiping it off with sandpaper - painful.

By the way didn't an orangutan act well in a Hollywood movie? Well strike that statement of mine then. Even monkeys can act better than she can.


While the movie is passable as good, there are loads of directorial mistakes the most prominent being the characters themselves. The switches between Suri and Raj are frankly put - stupid. It would have been OK if Raj was presented as Suri's alter ego and not just a face or a persona he "deliberately" puts on at times. As an audience you cannot help but think how in the world can Suri be so outgoing and witty with his words. Who taught him to say all that? Where is this confidence coming from? Director apparently didn't want to bother himself with too much attention to detail as far as the characters are concerned. The movie is rather long and after a certain point it just seems to drag on and on forever. The director loses his hold over the movie completely and you are left to wonder just "what the fock is going on now!". Songs are irritating and often just creep up on you when you aren't expecting them in the least.

Verdict:
Again an interesting basic concept but a shoddy execution. The movie is passable as good but is not brilliant or a typical "SRK" movie in any sense. It would be helpful to go to the cinema expecting to sit on dog poo on your seat. That way you will have at least one thing to feel good about when you don’t find any on your seat! If you do...well you will have something worse to cry about than the movie!

 

Welcome To Sajjanpur

Posted In: , , . By John F



Vital Stats:

Title: Welcome To Sajjanpur

Starring: Shreyas Talpade, Amrita Rao, Illa Arun, Divya Dutta, Ravi Jhankal, Kunal Kapoor, Rajeshwri Sachdev, Yashpal Sharma

Length: 133 minutes (approx)


Plot:
The movie is about the lives of people living in a village called Sajjanpur. Mahadev (Shreyas) is a (and the only) graduate in the village who finds no use for his "knowledge" until he opens up a letter reading and writing shop (read a bench under neem ka ped). He charges anywhere from 50p to Rs2 for reading or writing letters, pamphlets etc. One fine day Kamla (Amrita Rao) comes to him to write a letter to her husband who moved to Mumbai soon after their marriage. Mahadev realizes that Kamla is in fact his child hood sweetheart who left school at a very early age. He tries his best to systematically daalo his taang in her already dwindling marriage by writing hillarious letters to her husband. There are a bunch of other characters in the movie who all have their own small interlinked stories and who interact with Mahadev during the course of the movie. Welcome To Sajjanpur is a story of all such characters and their simple lives.




My Psychobabble:
It is very rare that a movie comes along that wins your heart by its sheer simplicity and brilliance. Welcome To Sajjanpur (WTS from now on) is a prime example of such a movie. This one ladies and gentlemen is directorial excellence at its crescendo. The movie is so well made, so well made that I am literally struggling to find words here. All the characters have not only been meticulously and perfectly scripted but have been equally well played by the actors. It appears as if Mr. Benegal made the actors realize the presence of a secret pool of talent within them that every human possesses and once the actors found it, they let themselves completely submerge into its depths. I know what you are thinking. Amrita Rao bhi?

Haan bhai haan Amrita Rao bhi! Gosh how stupid she really is and how well she has played her part in this one! Kamaal kar diya yaar bandi ne. Shreyas Talpade ko to I praise aise hi. Mere college se hai bhai wo apna to Junior hua na. So Kudos to Talpade as usual! All the other characters and I mean all of them have done very well.

The movie never loses its humor and its grasp over its audience. It just goes to prove that you don't have to spend millions and millions on ostentatious, pretentious, extravagant sets to have your audience awed. You don't need a star cast of A+++ actors to make a brilliant movie. If the director has the vision, the sight he can do wonders with whatever resources he might have. It is like turning a pumpkin into a chariot! Every small detail has been taken care of. Be it the set up of the village, the dispensary in the village or the language used by the characters.

The situations in the movie are simple. Very simple. They are what you can expect to find in a small village within India. What you don't expect to find is such classic, decent humor in them. The class of humor used within the entire length of movie is not crass or vulgar. You will not find any sexual innuendos or suggestions to the effect and yet you will laugh out loud. Funny eh? Try and think now of the last joke you heard in a movie that was not the least vulgar in its nature and you laughed. Socho socho, daalo dimaag pe jor!

I have been amazingly impressed by the movie and I salute Mr. Benegal on making this one.



Verdict: If it is not showing near you then find a cinema showing it somewhere else. Get a DVD from somewhere. If all fails, leave me a message here and I shall find a way to get the movie to you but don't, I repeat DON'T let this one go. I wish I had seen it on the big screen. I SO WISH!!

 



Vital Stats:

Title: EMI liya hai to chukana padega.

Starring: Malaika Arora, Arjun Rampal, Aashish Chaudhary, Sanjay Dutt, Manoj Joshi, Urmila Martondkar, Javed Rizvi, Neha Uberoi

Director: Saurav Kabra
Length: The bloody thing never ends!

Plot: This movie is based around the entire concept of people taking too much money on loan from banks which they cannot repay. The bank in this movie is called "All India Bank". Some dufus people take loan from this bank which they are unable to pay. The bank hires the services of a "recovery agency" run by Sattar Bhai (Sanju Baba) who is actually a "bhai" or a goon (yawn!). He is a rough guy with his motley collection of rough clowns who go about recovering money for the bank. One fine day Sattar bhai decides to enter politics and is advised by his mentor to start helping people so that they can repay their loan instead of strong arming them. Well he follows this advice and eventually becomes a MP. And then the movie ends and you yell yippee! I can escape!

My Psychobabble:
O teri maan ki!

After getting up from "One Two Three" half an hour into the movie I was confident that I have finally suffered my share of bad movie karma until I went into this one. Hare Raam kya barbaad movie thee! Everything about the movie was bad, horrible and pathetic. Direction was abysmal. I would have thought that someone directed (misdirected?) this movie while sipping some single malt scotch but things were so bad that if there was any alcohol involved it would have to have been a "desi tharra" and nothing else. The actors were all symbolisms of "how not to act" including our very own Sanju Baba. Sanju bhai it is time that you get off this high horse of being a "bhai". Admitted you have played some classic and awe inspiring parts as Munnabhai lekin bhai har cheez ki hadd hoti hai yaar! I mean enough is enough!

Tangent: (Tangent is a point where I blabber something completely unrelated to the current topic in discussion. Something like a warning light if you will) - If you have already noticed my repeated use of Hindi (and its variations) I urge you get used to it. I have decided to increase the use of my mother tongue while discussing Bollywood movies. If you haven't, then stop reading my reviews while drunk!

Back to the review then. Urmila, hmmm Urmila, Urmi! Totally dragged to the earth, buried in and then stomped over to a make sure that even an ounce of her talent should not be able to breath. When the director made her wander the streets of Mumbai feeling all lost and helpless the audience cannot do anything but either laugh or band their hand against their forehead. Then there is this issue about the way her character has been scripted. One moment she is a recent widow with a 5 year old daughter fighting for a false insurance claim and in a blink of an eye she is a sultry diva dressed up in a fiery red sari dancing over a yacht to a live band on a moonlight night with a "bhai"? Ab yaa to main pagal hoon ya fir ye director kyonki mujhe to ye sequence and this "sudden change of character" samajh nahin aaya.

The other actors/characters are not even worth mentioning let alone discussing. It would be more interesting if I tell you about the various types of ants, their colonies, their unique civilizations etc. etc. than talking about those insignificant occupiers of some reel space. At least you can amuse yourself by placing some obstacles in the path of an ant army and watch them skirt around it!

Well all was not bad about the movie. To be honest I appreciate the idea behind the movie and the story line. It was actually quite good. I only wish the execution of the entire concept was even mediocre.

Verdict: If you want to really see how a brilliant idea can be slaughtered so mercilessly then please by all means jaiye aur jaake apna khoon jalaye. But if I were you, I would rather just read my review again (hey I am fun!) and then go and watch Dostana ;) Enjoy!

 

Dostana

Posted In: , . By John F




Vital Stats:

Starring; Abhishek Bacchan, Priyanka Chopra, John Abraham, Kiron Kher, Boman Irani, Bobby Deol, Sushmita Mukherjee.

Director: Tarun Mansukhani
Length: 142 minutes


Plot: Sameer (Abhishek) and Kunal (John) are two guys in Miami Florida who suddenly find themselves out on the road without a place. By chance they both go to see the same place where they are told that only girls can occupy the two available rooms as Priyanka Chopra (Neha) is a single girl living in the house. Not willing to let go of such a beautiful place Abhishek convinces John to act as if they are a gay couple. Soon they find that if they apply for their residence permit in the US as a same sex couple their application will get processed in one year as opposed to the usual 5 which makes John go on his knees to ask Abhishek to file in as a gay couple. Things start going crazy as soon they both fall for Priyanka Chopra who absolutely adores them as her best friends.

My Psychobabble:
Look don't judge me here OK but I am kinda teeny weeny itsy bitsy slightly almost an minuscule amount of uncomfortable with the entire male gay concept. I am NOT against the thing I am just not comfortable with the notion. Yeah I know what you want to throw at my face now, the question about female gay-ism right? Go on then throw it, come on don't bottle it up inside its not good for health. Go on hit me with it!

The answer to that question will be that in all honesty I do not mind lesbian actions but I am not uncomfortable with the idea. Why you ask me? Well I am a guy! A real hot blooded straight guy and this is the way I am wired! Man on man stuff makes me uncomfortable but a little girl on girl action does not and that is the way I am end of discussion, finish, finale, finito.......period!

So for the first about half an hour into the movie I was like "Uh Oh! These are going to be some of toughest two hours of my life". The movie had an awesome start with the gorgeous finger licking good, too good to be real, an awesome Aphrodite re-incarnated herself Shilpa Shetty dancing on a peppy number and a surprisingly too well built John Abraham doing all sort of Baywatch stunts. But that was it. It was like watching Usain Bolt bolt get off to a staggering start only to stumble 10 seconds into the race evoking a gasp of horror from the audience expecting him to fall flat on his face....

But then if he did, he will not be Ussain Bolt would he now? And so if this movie were to fall flat on its face it will not be a freaking Karan Johar miracle! The movie soon picks up and turns into this amazing piece of work which you can not get enough off!



Everyone in the movie is just purely awesome! Abhishek Bacchan is a genius. Truly he is! This guy is finally carving his way out of the almost infinite shadow of Bacchan senior and is making his own mark on the industry. He has played his part with such perfection that it is almost impossible to think of any other actor in the industry taking his place in this role. John Abraham has done nothing more than to flash his gorgeously chiselled body but then hey! he never was much of an actor anyways! Priyanka Chopra is amazingly slim with a perfect 10 figure and when she swings that booty to the foot tapping Desi girl number you can not do anything but wolf whistle (at least I did!). I loved Kiron Kher. Some of her diaologs in the movie are priceless, simply absolutely priceless, a work of some creative maestro and in one of her scenes I am sure she actually really slaps Abhishek! Though she appears on the screen for about 20 minutes in all but those are probably the most awesome 20 minutes of the movie. Watching Boman Irani dance on the Omkara's Beedi number was seriously like being killed at the hands of someone whos is tickling you to death. You are laughing but you know this is not done, this is simply wrong! My memories of Bipasha have been ruined but oh how I liked that dance by Boman! This is another one of our industry's those actors who can do justice to any part no matter what. Bobby Deol has been overshadowed in the movie almost completely. But then I think by now in his career he must have gotten use to it anyways ;)



The direction is quite good. Barring some occassional mistakes the movie rarely gets boring and once you are over that initial "ewww" reaction to seeing Abhishek and John "manhandle" each other every 15 minutes you actually can not stop laughing. I can not remember in recent memory a movie where I laughed so hard and clapped so hard and I was not alone in doing so. Besides humor the movie has some really brilliant romantic situations that develop. Watch out for the one involving John and Priyanka when they spend her birthday alone. It is so damn cheesy but has been done in such an awesome fashion that it actually looks pretty classy. I swear I heard "Awwws" and "ooohhs" all around me (and no I wasn't joining in the noises).

Verdict:
Definitely not to be missed. If you don't have time then find it. If you don't have money apply for a credit card or a loan and if you have no company to go with, well send me a ticket and I shall come with you! I am definitely going again to watch this one!

 

Golmaal Returns

Posted In: . By John F



Title: Golmaal Returns

Vital Stats:

Length : Approx 146 minutes.
Starring: Ajay Devgan, Tusshar Kapoor, Kareena Kapoor, Arshad Warsi, Shreays Talpade, Amrita Arora
Director: Rohit Shetty.

Describe the movie in one word:

Plot:
Kareena Kapoor is a highly and stupidly suspicious wife who is so influenced by the daily vomit of soap on TV that she continuously doubts her husband Ajay Devgan. Amrita Arora is Ajay's sister who lives with them and so does Tusshar Kapoor who is Kareena's brother. One fateful evening Ajay gets stuck on a yacht with Celina while trying to save her from some goons. When he returns the next day he is faced with the relentless fire of Kareena's AK 47 of typical "shakki biwi". Not willing to cause too much fuss he lies about spending the night with an imaginary friend of his. Kareena however doesn't let go so easily and actually writes to that imaginary friend on his imaginar address to confirm the story. Ajay gets to know of this and in panick brings in Shreyas Talpade (a new employee in his firm) as his imaginary friend home. Things turn nasty when a real person with that imaginary name turns up who lived at that imaginary address! To complicate things further a colleague of Ajay's who never got along with him ends up dead on the same night Ajay went missing. The muder investigation is headed by Arshad Warsi who is a police inspector and is in love with Amrita Arora and hates Ajay Devgan! Now Ajay must sort out this mess otherwise Arshad would happily pack him off to gaol!




My Psychobabble: A set of funny sequences thrown together to form a mildly amusing collage. This is as best as I can do to describe this movie. I hadn't gone in to this movie with great expectations which kinda helped as I was not at least disappointed. I am not sure if you know but the supposed "story" of this movie is almost a complete rip off of an excellent old movie titled "Aaj ki Taaza Khabar". That movie my dear readers was brilliant, a true laugh riot and an excellent comedy of errors. If you have not seen it yet I suggest you do try and get your hands on a copy of it. All the effort will be worth it.

Back to this one, there is just so much that is wrong with this movie starting from its premise. Why in the name of God do Ajay and Celina spend their night on the yacht is a freaking mystery. This is 2008, they have cell phones can they not call someone to their help? Assuming that their cell phones don't work, when they can walk "to" the yacht why can they not walk from it to get help? There is nothing stopping them is there? Oh I can go on and on and on with the mistakes in the movie and the shocking "the audience won't give shit(e) about the logic as long as they can laugh" attitude of the directors but then there is no point of it. However all being said the director has made sure that the occasional laughter does keep coming and the audience doesn't really get bored. One thing that is truly applaud able in the movie is the often subtlety of humor. Something even as small as the name of a character brings a smile to your face when the movie refers to the name in a certain context. Those parts of the movie are simply brilliant!



The characters in the movie are all completely unreal and are played so by the actors. Kareena has broken her previous records of the limits of disgust, Ajay Devgan is mediocre, Celina is insignificant and stupid, Amrita Arora is a waste of movie reel and Shreyas Talpade is just one of the pockmarks on the face of the movie infected with the chicken pox of stupidity. The two characters who shine throughout the movie and have been sadly underplayed are Arshad Warsi and surprisingly Tushar Kapoor! Not only have they acted well their characters are probably the most interesting in the movie. I especially like what Tushar does at the very end of the movie (which I shall not reveal here as I don't want to include spoilers). As for Arshad Warsi, this guy is truly a gem of an actor. Though the character he plays is slightly sadistic in nature but the way Arshad has played the character you cannot help but simply laugh your but* off! Sharman Joshi was seriously missed. His character in the first one was a great laugh.

Verdict: Definitely not a must watch but certainly not a boring one. If you have had one of those weeks where the stress and the pressure was just too much then you might want to go and catch this one as the movie will certainly give you some great laughs! Please just do not try and make any sense of the movie...you have been warned!

 

Quantum Of Solace


Vital Stats:

Title: Quantum Of Solace
Length: 115 minutes(approx)
Starring: Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Mathieu Amalric, Judi Dench, Giancarlo Giannini, Gemma Arterton, Jeffrey Wright


Plot:
Picking up from where Casino Royale left this movie sees Bond going after the mysterious shadowy organization that lead to Vesper's betrayal. However he and M. soon realizes that the organization that they are dealing with is far more complex, dangerous and mysterious than their worst nightmares. During the course of his pursuit he encounters Dominice Green (Mathieu) an environmentalist who is neck buried in some of the most destructive and dangerous deals liaising with the rich and powerful of the west and causing mayhem in third world countries like Bolivia etc. No country is sane or safe enough. Be it the CIA or the MI6 they are all dancing on Green's tunes. On a journey that takes Bond through Austria, South America and Italy Bond must uncover as much as he can about the shadowy organization he set out to uncover and stop Green in his dark plans.

Lost in transit!

My Psychobabble:
This fellows is a real tough one. Overall I liked the movie. It was fast paced, the action is awesome and no matter how much I loathed Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, in this one the dude has really (and literally) punched his niche. His portrayal of a man who is so fuelled by such fierce rage that it doesn't let him prone to angry outbursts or screams but that silently burns within him, fuelling him beyond the limits of his human abilities is simply awesome. His demeanor is candid, he is totally devoid of emotions and he is what the rage has made him - a high octane stripped down to bare essentials killing machine with a rock solid sense of purpose. Gone are those witty one liners in the face of death, the awesome gadgets and the lovely ladies.

And that my dear readers is a problem - at least with some critics!

The legend of Bond is being changed as we see it. Have no doubts, Daniel Craig's character in the movie is totally awesome but he is not "Bond" as we are used to see him. This Bond doesn't indulge himself in vanity, has no patience for unnecessary banter and has absolutely no need of any gadget apart from a gun and a phone (with a camera of course!). This is more like Jason Bourne than Bond. One reason for this that I could think of was that Casino Royale and Quantum Of Solace started telling the tale of the real shaping of a MI6 agent as the "Bond" and thus maybe in the next few movies we shall see Bond returning to his better known antics. However how well that would go down with Daniel Craig will be interesting to watch.

Killing fury

Besides the action and Daniel Craig's portrayal of Bond the movie is quiet week. The plot and the script are haphazard and don’t answer a single question that the movie sets out to answer. In fact at times it became so confusing that I really had to ask myself, what the fock is going on and how the fock is this related to anything that was initially proposed!

Taken as a whole the movie is a sort of awkward, badly designed end product stumbling and tripping in a hell lot of places. Olga and Gemma have almost no character in the film. A very weak effort is still visible to give Olga's character some substance but it has failed completely. The characters that looked promising in Casino Royale as important to the overall story are quickly shot to death and dismissed in this one. The movie on the whole almost loses its sense of purpose by the climax. It could very well be titled "Daniel Craig's Action Antics" and be shown as a small part of a modern day circus instead of the more common bike racing in the Well of Death.

Now that's the Bond factor!

Verdict:
I certainly do not regret watching this one. If you can manage to keep the Bond stigma away and not think too much you will actually enjoy the movie. The actions, cinematography, shooting locations are awesome so are most of the actors in the portrayal of their characters. The movie is certainly enjoyable and who knows I might as well go again!

 

Burn After Reading

Posted In: , . By John F



Title : Burn After Reading
Vital Stats:

Director: Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
Starring:

George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Frances Mc Dormand, John Malkovich, Tida Swinton, Richard Jenkins, Olek Krupa

Runtime: 95 minutes (eternity really)


Plot:
Osbourne Cox (Malkovich) is an ex CIA employee who quits CIA and decides to write about his experiences as a memoir. His wife Katie (Tida Swinton) is screwing Harry (George Clooney) and is planning on divorcing him. On the advise of her lawyer she compiles a disk with the information about Cox's finanaces etc and ends up including his memoir in the disk. That disk is subseuqently lost and is found by Linda (Frances) and Chadd (Brad) who work together in a gym. They try to sell the disk to get some money out of the entire situation.

Well this is the plot as "advertised" however trust me this plot counts only for about one fourth of the movie. For the remainig, see My Psychobabble section.




My Psychobabble:
An awesome movie headed straight in the category of Oscar nominations. Which means it is completely and utterly unsuitable for average, fun loving "Joe the plumber" kind of audience like yours truly (there you go, I brought Joe the plumber in my conversations too. Now I am in the US presidential race as well! he he he!).

Gosh I was so bored. It was a perfect cure for insomnia. Granted there were some funny moments in the movie but it was like watching an act performed by clowns who are desperately trying to entertain you but are failing so miserably that they put you off to sleep. Not to be discouraged they often come upto you and tickle you up to make you twitch slightly in the sleep but that is as far as they can go to entertain you. The moment they withdraw you promptly fall back into your sleep again.

That is all I can say about the "comic" factor of the movie.

There is no script whatsoever or should I say there is no one set or fixed script whatsoever. It is like a BIG BOSS or BIG BROTHER show with few characters thrown together for people to watch their antics and be amused  by them. The movie kicks off as a story about Cox (Malkovich) but then like a quickly growing tumor it spawns too many tentacles too soon which starts killing the interest of the viewer. While these plots are introduced quiet quickly they eventually  all unravel at a drastically slow pace which gives you enough time to wonder  what the heck are you still doing sitting here in the cinema hall and then about your general life and its purpose etc. etc.  As for the direction while some might argue about the unique style of Coen brothers most of the audience would struggle too much to make any sense from the movie to be bothered by the uniqueness if any in the style (if any).

Scripts and direction apart, all the actors have performed superb. I especially liked the way Brad Pitt has lived his character. He was simply brilliant and for a good length of the movie overshadowed everyone else.


Verdict: Treat this like the hot fire it is which means staying clear away from it. But then again if you are one of those blessed children of God who have a panache for "art" and "uniqueness" and the usual high tea gossip then you really don't want to miss this one! Go slurp it up!Technorati Tags: , , , , , , ,

 

Hello

Posted In: , , . By John F




Title: Hello


Vital Stats:

Director: Atul Agnihotri

Starring: Salman Khan (Plays no part at all), Katina Kaif (same as Salman), Sharman Joshi, Sohail Khan, Arbaaz Khan, Amrita Arora, Gul Panag, Dalip Tahil, Isha Koppikhar (yup there is "h" in her name), Suresh Menon, Sharat Saxena.



Plot: Based on Chetan Bhagat's novel "A night @ the call center" this movie is about a night in the life of 6 people who work in the same call center. These are Shyam (Sharman), Varun (Sohail), Millitary Uncle (Sharat), Esha (Isha), Radhika (Amrita) and Priyanka (Gul). Their boss is Bakshi (Dalip Tahil) who runs the call center. Though it becomes a bit confusing towards the end whether he "owns" the center or is simply an employee himself. This is a story about these 7 characters and a special night in thei lives where nothing is going right. Shyam is in love with Priyanka who is now marrying a NRI because she wanted money in her life, Radhika has her own issues so does millitary uncle. Varun loves Esha who is mad after modelling and can not enter a commitment because of her passion. This one night brings a lot of chaos in their lives that leave them all changed people by the morning. Cant reveal too much about the changes else I would have to include spoilers!


My Psychobabble: This movie has so much to owe to Drona. Had I not seen Drona last weekend I would have probably brought out the big guns and would have shot this to pieces. But since my experience with Drona (that I survived, Oh yeah!) I am now more tolerant to the limits to which the directors can really lose their mind without being locked up in a mental asylum or shot by execution squad or boiled in hot oil for making us suffer the torture of the farce that they called movie etc. etc.

So then how is the movie really? Let us put it this way it is tolerable if you are suffering one of those evenings when everything is going wrong and basically you don’t give shite. The movie alternates between insanely boring to simply insane to mildly interesting. The characters are mediocre, the script week, direction poor, situations unreal and the whole appeal a big fat zero. My biggest problem is with the script and the direction both of which were horrible.

That being said, Sharman Joshi still comes out tops and very surprisingly I saw Sohail Khan act and I did not get the urge to slap him right across the face! Sohail Khan by his previous standards was amazing and actually managed to get some expressions on his face that didn’t include twisting his face into weird shapes. Sharman Joshi as I have already said was fantastic. I especially loved the way he played his alter ego, a small red devil that pops up during the movie and instigates him to tap the phone of the girl he loves. Man that character was awesome! If nothing else I would say that that small part by Sharman Joshi as his alter ego was worth watching the whole movie.


All the other characters are completely and absolutely wasted with special emphasis on Dalip Tahil. It is OK to portray a character that is madly in love with U.S. and would do anything to get there but to make him do all the idiotic things that Dalip’s character does is frankly disgusting. And seriously who ever came up with Amrita Arora’s character? Whoever that was, one small advise, dude get off the Star Parivar news channel and Ekta Kapoor stuff and get a life!

Verdict: I haven’t read the original novel but my experience tells me that novels usually aren’t anything like the movies are. If you loved the novel then by all means go and watch this one as the movie is not very bad. It is just not very well directed. If you miss this one though trust me you wouldn’t have missed anything minutely significant.

As always, if you need the soundtrack leave me a comment here!

 

Drona

Posted In: , , , , . By John F



Title: Drona

Vital Stats:

Director: A real lousy one...lol! Actually G
oldie Bahel
Starring: Abhishek Bacchan, Priyanka Chopra, Kay Kay Mennon, Jaya Bacchan

Plot: According to Indian mythology there was a time when Demigods (Devtas) and Devil's disciples (Asuras) combined their effort to churn the biggest ocean in the universe for they wanted to reap the myriad treasures and magical that were burried deep within the ocean. Amongst the many such magical things that came out there was one item that was the most coveted. This was "Amrut" or the elixir of immortality. Whosoever took one sip would become immortal and would never perish. Feared that if Asuras laid their hands on this elixir they would wreak havoc, the Devtas resorted to all kinds of trickery to hide this elixir. This movie claims that amongst such measures was appointing a human warrior to protect the elixir which was promptly hidden by Devtas. This warrior was given superhuman powers and physical strenght to be able to carry out his duties. This warrior was called "Drona". Throughout ages and generations this warrior and his offsprings (all of them became "Dronas") have played their part in keeping the location of this elixir secret and hidden from pursuing Asuras. One such Asura by the name of Riz Riazada has been after this elixir ever since it was found and still is lurking on the earth in human form to obtain this elixir. Long story short, Abhishek Bacchan is Drona (though he doesnt know it himself) and Riz Riazada can only reach Amruta if he can get its secret location from Abhishek (who again doesnt know it himself). Priyanka Chopra is basically a waste of movie reel space.



My Psychobabble: I don’t really know where to start. Lately none of the movies that I saw seem interesting. They all almost bored me to death. And so after watching Taken I thought to myself that maybe I ought to bring the bar down. So for Drona I did. I brought the bar down before I went in the cinema. Half hour in the movie, I placed the bar on the ground. Another half hour and I jumped on the bar, buried it in the ground six feet deep. Another 15 minutes, the bar penetrated the core of the earth came out the other side and floated gloriously away into the unknown depths of the universe.

Behold the contribution of Goldie Bahel to Indian cinema. Ladies and gents he has given Bollywood a new standard of “low”!

There are so many serious judgmental errors that I would be writing a complete series of Brittannicca encyclopedias were I to go into details. But to bring home my point that the movie is completely, uttely, absolutely, totally and truly “rubbish”, here are a few

1. The movie is set in a Hindu mythology setting of Devils (Asuras), Demigods (Devtas), holy men (rishi muni) and ancient secrets written in Sanskrit. But here we have an old as time Asura (devil reincarnate) living on this planet who speaks nothing but Urdu!

2. Dialogues make no sense at all. Totally and utterly. For all you care the characters might recite ABCD, 01234, do re….rather than talk to each other.

3. Abhishek Bacchan’s attire was again as old as time and was supposedly given to the first Drona by Devtas themselves. Yet the dress includes stylish leather boots that have zippers on them to put them on.

4. The first fight scene featuring Priyanka Chopra..what the fock was that contraption she used, who the fock designed it and how the fock can that do anything else other than serve as a stupid trinket to compel monkeys to dance.

5. At this point the bar was out into the Universe

The movie is totally horribly wrong. The director himself was confused whether scenes were supposed to introduce thrill or humor so he basically tried to put both in and left it upon the audience to either be amused or get thrilled. The movie steals the best sequences from Hollywood hits like the Mummy, Scorpion King, Harry Potter etc and gives them a distinctively visible “Bollywood movie for the kid” feel thus rendering them horribly wrong for the majority of the audience. Abhishek's supposedly fierce warrior stances look more like positions in Bhangra dance while Priyank Chopra is as graceful with her action sequences as my 70 year old granny doing Thriller dance on top of a moving train.


Verdict: If you do go to watch this movie make sure you are not carrying any such thing that you can use to harm yourself for trust me you would feel like killing yourself during the course of the movie. Kids would love it though and if you are one of them parents whose sorry posterior would be dragged by their kids anyways then basically all I can say is cheer up! at least your kids didnt force you to suffer RGV's Aag!

If you need the sound track of the movie, drop me a comment here!

 

Taken

Posted In: , . By John F

After a long interval which was mostly unavoidable I am back!

Presenting without any unecessary ramblings, the review of the new
movie titled Taken. As always, the star below the post are for the movie and not the content of the post!



Title: Taken

Director: Pierre Morel


Cast:
Liam Neeson ... Bryan
Maggie Grace ... Kim

Leland Orser ... Sam

Jon Gries ... Casey

David Warshofsky ... Bernie

Holly Valance ... Diva

Katie Cassidy ... Amanda


Plot: Bryan(Neeson) is a retired undercover agent/spy (they never make clear who he really was) who has given up the shadowy dark world of covert operations to spend time with his daughter who is turning 17. His wife left him for a billionaire and took the daughter with her. Neeson is left with nothing really other than a bunch of old work colleagues, beer and you know general misery.
His daughter Kim (Grace) goes out to Paris with one of her friends from where they plan to go around Europe following a rock band tour. Both these girls are underaged and alone in the friend's cousin's upmarket residence in Paris. They befriend a guy at the Airport who leads to them getting kidnapped by a gang who specialize in kidnapping young girls. This gang kidnaps the girls, put them on drugs and then sells the girls to the highest bidder in the underworld.

Kim manages to get a message to her father who immediately dashes to Paris to find and take his daughter back. He now must penetrate this dark world of drugs, rapes, killings and other evils of the world while managing to keep himself alive and find his daughter. And he must do it within 96 hours else he would never be able to see his daughter ever again.

Fun! My Psychobabble: Here is a scene from the movie. So I am this super cool, ultra deadly, trained to kill in my sleep with my bare hands (or loud snores) kinda ass kicking expert in hand to hand combat who is calling upon his years of experience doing dark, dirty, hush hush stuff for the US of A government (who else!). I am hunting for my daughter who has been kidnapped from Paris and I have a lead on a guy who is usually found at Charles de Gaulle airport (the busiest airport in France and possibly the most secure). Great! So what do I do then? I wait keeping my trained eyes on the dude whom I have spotted at the air port. I lurk in the shadows relying on my experience to keep me invisible from security cameras, police and any backup the dude might have. I then follow the dude out till I can corner him in an isolated place (smiling secretly and rather perversely to myself that even disturbs my twisted sense of self realization) and torture him like Daniel Craig was tortured in the last Bond movie (kick those balls baby! Oh yeah!) until he screams the whereabouts of my daughter.

Good plan!

But hold on it is not I whose executing this hold up is it? It is Mr Neeson under the expert guidance of Morel. So what Mr Neeson’s trained, deadly, invisible character does is he pounces on the bad dude in front of the airport, police, cameras, security, dude’s backup and then starts beating the shit out of him! Right in front of the entire Paris and in broad day light! The result!? The dude's backup jumps into the fight, the dude manages to escape, falls from a flyover and is dispatched to the netherworld by a loving hug from an 18 wheeler.

Hmmm nice plan. Neeson might not have the whereabouts of his daughter but hey this was more fun than just lurking in the shadows! And lets face it, nothing interests the sickos in the audience than to see a nice man on man action.

This probably summarizes my review of the movie. The movie is an absolute bore with almost every second sequence torturing your waking conscience making you ask yourself things like “what the heck is this guy doing? My grand mother can do this better than him. Oh weight my grand mother would have never lost my mother like this to begin with. Boy this guy truly sucks.”

The combats fail to impress, the chases are boring, and the plot is overdrawn and poorly conceived.
A lot of dialogues in the movie are spoken in French. Sometimes when you are lucky you do get to see sub titles while the other time you are expected to make educated guesses as to what the characters are trying to say to each other. I am quiet sure in one such situation Neeson says to his friend in the French police something on the lines of "Ahh I am so constipated! All this bloody French food has gotten into my gut and made a bloody concrete bunker in there. Damn you! Damn all your food!"

I personally think that the script was actually written as a lullaby for mentally retarded but when they shunned it the director tried to feed it to us gullible people out on the streets who would sit tight during the course of the movie for nothing else but to recover some cost from that hard earned money we spent on the ticket.

Verdict: If you really want to kill time then please rather go and see paint dry than watch this movie. Give me Bourne series any day!

 

What a weekend! I saw two movies back to back this Saturday after a real long time. I honestly can not remember the last time I did something like this! The first one was Singh is King (review coming shortly) and the second one was this. In fact the Singh is King ended at 4:45 and this one started at 4:40. We jumped straight out of Singh is king and dashed straight into the auditorium showing Bachna Ae Haseeno(BAH from now on) and man was this movie worth it! But obviously my psychobabble would come in its relevant section. One small thing I would like to mention here - from this review onwards I am along with the review I shall also upload the music of the movie for you to download. I am working on a separate section on my blog which would let you download stuff easily but until that gets done I shall post the link for the music files right in the middle of the review. For this one however here is the link to download music. Click here

That said, let us roll...

Bachna Ae Haseeno

Vital Stats:

Title: Bachna Ae Haseeno (BAH)

Director: Siddharth Raj Anand

Length: 162 minutes
Starring: Me (LOL! my lady love swears that Ranbir Kapoor's character is completely me :D)

Seriously

Ranbir Kapoor, Minnisha (Not Manisha) Lamba, Bipasha Yumm Basu, Dipika ConicalFeet (Padukone), Hiten Pental (Pental Jr).

Plot: The story revolves around Raj (Ranbir Kapoor). And yes they indeed called the character Raj and what's more, Raj is really thankful to his mother for giving him this name as it makes his task of getting girls to fall in love with him much easier courtsey Shah Rukh Khan and DDLJ(If you don't know what this means, die now). Raj is a perfect playboy, a max chilled out boy who is doing well in his career (employed by Microsoft he is in their gaming division), who looks fab and who knows how to get a girl to dance to his tunes in this utterly cute chocolate boy devilish kinda way. His best friend is Sachin (Pantel Jr.) who endorses Raj's philosophy about life and girls and career etc. Raj goes about breaking hearts in the first half of the movie from Switzerland (Minnisha Lamba as Mahi) to Mumbai (Bipasha Basu as Radhika) until fate takes him to Sydney where he chances upon Gayatri (Deepika). As fate would have it he falls heads over heels over Deepika who dishes his dish to himself. She leads him on but brutally turns him down when he proposes wedding to her. This makes our Hero realize how much pain and anguish he caused Mahi and Radhika when he broke their hearts. He is now a changed man. The protagonist must now travel from Sydney to Amritsar and to Mumbai to seek repentance and suffer any pertinence that he so deserves for his past actions.

bachna_ae_haseeno_26


My Psychobabble: Ranbir Kapoor ROCKS! Have no doubts my readers here is one young dashing ultimate killer boy who has not only recovered fantastically from the disaster that was Sanwariya but has left no bloody stone unturned in his quest for excellence. He looked amazingly handsome in a very young cute boy kind of a way and has delivered a character performance that is second only in comparison to the commercial industry maestros. He has completely gelled into his character and has played the part beautifully. What made me wonder however was what made him unbutton his shirt so much in the movie!? I mean throughout the first half, barely would be a sequence where Raj's torso was not on display.

The movie is quiet well done. For quiet some part it does look like a DDLJ rip off but then unlike some recent directors who would go to any length to claim their movie is not based on any Hollywood movie whatsoever (kudos on making such humans God, tussi sachchi great ho!) our Raj here actually thinks out aloud about DDLJ and makes sure he does all that the Raj in that movie did to get his girls. After all the character of that Raj was and still is a screen legend! What's even better is that all DDLJ rip offs are so amazingly done that they actually make you feel good about ripping off a movie! The movie maintains a decent pace in the first half and though it does seem to drag in the second half still it rarely ever gets boring. One piece of advise however I have for director - two songs back to back - Nada. Not good! Na nope never and no not even if one of them features Yumm Basu.

Nope.

Never.

Nada.

That was one big flaw in the movie, these two songs that almost come back to back. They hit you when the movie has just begun slowing down and when you are beginning to realize that uh oh Raj got screwed big time man, the funs gone! They together with about 10 more minutes until the third song really kill your interest for a while.

Bipasha Basu (Sigh!) has looked her usual Yumm self. Lets admit it, the lady aint no great actor but then when you look like that who gives two hoot about if your eye brow was arched one degree too little while you frowned or not. Trust me, I for once ain't looking at your eye brow babe ;). And I know I aint alone here. Whenever you see the movie, watch out for the scene where Raj meets her for the first time. Take Raj out and put any straight man in the scene. Nothing would change, nothing at all! That was perhaps my favorite sequence in the whole movie. She has played her part good. To be honest her character in the second half of the movie did seem like a rip off from Devil Wears Prada but then even if it was who cares! John you lucky dog!! Gym here I come.

bachna_ae_haseeno_review_12.preview

To Deepika Padukone - Babe come out of Om Shanti Om now please. You aint no red carpet dominating diva or a super star or some princess of Timbaktu or something so please stop behaving like one. I am not sure if it is just me or do others can also sense this fake regal aura that she tries to put all around her even if she is playing a character that drives taxi and works in a super store. Her portrayal of Gayatri was way way off the mark. Besides I am not sure whose stupidity was it, the director or the designer but what girl can drive a taxi for a living the whole night long wearing 6 inch heels!

Hiten Pental has delivered a good performance. I wont call it extraordinary simply for the fact that his character was played a bit down in the movie in comparison to Ranbir's (which is of course obvious). But whatever little time he gets on the screen he makes his mark. I especially recommend one particualr scene when he is shown talking to Raj in men's toilet (what you want me to call it a rest room now? Seriously, do you go there to rest!? Gross!) advising him on a certain situation with Bips. His expressions as he delivers his dialogue were priceless! Kudos man good going.

Minnisha...urmmm what do I say. She has done good no doubt but not as amazingly good as the others. By the way whoever made her wear those salwar in the first half..dude sorry but that really was bad designer sense there.

Verdict: Not to be missed. I don't care what the critics are saying about this one (I ain't a critic if you are wondering by the way, I am an "apperciat-or") I would definitely recommend catching this one. In fact I am already planning to see this again very soon!

bachna_ae_haseeno_25

 

As always, please click one of the stars at the end of this post to rate the movie!

Where the fock have I been! What happened to my effing commitment to publish movie reviews and just what the heck do I think I am!

What else eh my bona fide, beloved reader ;)!? Yes I have been away for a real long time but trust me it was not by choice. I have been so utterly busy with my new job that it was nigh impossible for me to find out time for anything else at all. But I do apologize for this disappearance and without further ado let us get on to the review for this week.

 

The Mummy

 

Describe the movie in one word: Imoteph-Ownes-Dragon-King-Any-Day

Vital Stats;

Title: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Director: Some real lonely dude…

Nahh..*grin*

Director: Rob Cohen

Starring: Psychos and some real ugly babes

True

LOL! Seriously

Starring: Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, Michelle Yeoh, Isabella Long, Luke Ford, John Hannah

Runtime: 112 minutes

Plot: Nothing new or innovative really. Alex (Luke Ford) is Rick O’ Connell (Brendan)’s son who is really messed up by the tall shadow cast by his father. Portrayed as a bit of a rebel (a real ugly one by the way) he ends up digging an ancient Chinese Emperor (Jet Li). Now this emperor dude (Han) was cursed by a witch back in his time and was frozen in time along with his army of 10,000 strong terracotta warriors (is it just me or do these guys sound something that is made up of 60% cotton and 40% polyester or something?). Trailing Alex’s find is a rogue Chinese Army general who manages to break the curse on the emperor and bring him to life. The reason – this general wants “order” bestowed on this rogue chaotic world. Well this is it. Now it is upto the O’ Connell’s along with a mysterious Chinese girl who can summon the abominable snowmen etc to stop this mad emperor from resurrecting his army of cotton warriors and taking over the world.

My Psychobabble: I MISS RACHEL WEISZ! I am sorry to say but Brendan Fraser had no chemistry with his onscreen better half Maria Bello who was just awful. Accepted that every individual has his/her own special personality traits and while some have excellent looks (aka yours truly ;)) while some have exceptional talents (ahem!) but then there are people like Mario Bello who are truly exceptional (in the sense that they have neither!). Her portrayal of the character was week and left much desired. Somehow even Brendan Fraser looked quiet uncomfortable playing this part which he played amazingly in the first two movies. Luke Ford seriously could be Maria Bello’s real son for he had all the qualities of his on screen mother viz. nothing! He acted bad, looked bad and worst – had the longest role really.

Yuck!

Michelle Yeoh – oh well wont go into details on her as this would invariably lead to spoilers. But suffice this to say that Michelle Yeoh, Jet Li and John (Jonathan) are truly wasted in the movie.

Other than bad acting and badder (don’t you dare frown over my seemingly incorrect English) looking actors the movie has too many week points. The script is poor and does little to hold one’s interest during the length of the movie. The direction is week and the characters are poorly written. I don’t even want to start pointing mistakes made in the movie as many sites already have this information. However special effects of the movie are commendable. They are better than the first two indeed.

 

The effects are good

Verdict: If you liked the mummy series then watch this simply for the reason that this is unfortunately one of them. This is like the ugly duckling of the family but then alas! It is family.

 

De Taali

Posted In: , , , . By John F

Please click one of the stars at the end of the review to rate the movie and not the review! If you have not seen the movie yet then please do come back once you have seen it and rate the movie then!


What a weekend! Had to clean and scrub the refrigerator and then had a nasty incident where a lot of hot wax was spilled on the bloody carpet! Oh man if I knew I could scrub and scratch so well I would have become a Bollywood director and direct movies like De Taali etc. But anyways my boring life aside lets get to the movie review

Describe the movie in one word : Rubbish

Vital Stats:

Title: De Taali
Director: E Nivas
Starring: Aftab Shivdasani, Ayesha Takia, Ritesh Deshmukh, Rimi Sen, Anupam Kher
Length: 156min

Plot:
The movie is about three friends Amu (Ayesha), Abhi (Aftab) and Paglu (Ritesh). They have been the best of chums since childhood and have grown up together. Abhi is the son of business tycoon Anupam Kher and hence is loaded. Amu and Paglu we know nothing about. For all we are concerned they could have sprouted on the same mango tree that I mentioned in one of my earlier reviews. Abhi is a miserable loser in love and has had 31 prior girl friends (including a psychic Neha Dhupia who can talk to dead people and hence my using the word loser). He meets and falls for Kartika (Rim Sen) just as Amu and Paglu come to this "logical conclusion" that Amu actually loves Abhi. Well it turns out Rimi is a gold digger and now commences the eventual battle between the gold digger vamp and the "loyal broker loser miserable bacchpan ke langotiya yaar" to save the prince charming. The movie is all about this battle.



My Psychobabble: Rubbish, Bull's feces and crap! I mean when I walked into the cinema I wasn't expecting a masterpiece. In fact I was kind of looking forward to another cousin in the same family tree of movies like "Krazzy 4" and "One Two Three" etc. and I am glad I wasn't dissappointed on this front at least. Aftab Shivdesani has looked exactly like his character in the movie – absolutely filthy, stupid, ridiculous and idiotic. His is probably the most wasted part in the movie (unless you count the total 10 minute appearance by Neha Dhupia) and so are his looks. The only time he is tolerable is when he is not on the screen. Ritesh has been the saving grace of the movie. Yes he is not a terrific actor and his character in the movie is a bit off as well but at least the way he acts keeps you slightly amused and remotely interested in the movie. Ayesha Takia….oh well what do I say here! Her presence literally “fills up the screen” *wink wink* but other than that there is no substance to her acting, her looks or her character. Rim Sen has been the “Oh My Freakin God” of the movie. I don’t know if it is the camera angle or the seat I was sitting at but Rimi Sen my dear readers has appeared HUGE (and no, no winks this time I mean the whole of her). Her face looks gigantic, her shoulders could easily match those of Arny and the frame of her body made her look like the Goliath in the movie. At times I was expecting the movie to turn into the “Gulliver Travels” with Rimi Sen picking up Ayesha and Ritesh in her palm, bringing them close to her eyes and giving a nasty, evil, resounding boom of laughter!



The characters and their portrayal apart, the direction SUX! Many situations and scenes in the movie make no sense whatsoever. I mean even if you were Einstein you couldn’t have figured out what the director is trying to show you. By the way if you were Einstein you would have figured out the movie is trash and wouldn’t waste your time on it anyway. But sadly you are not and more sadly you are here suffering my psychobabble. But trust me once you have been to the movie (if you go that is) and have seen Neha Dhupia and her psychic stuff, you would happily come back to my blog!


The script could have been good but it was thoroughly messed up and I do mean thoroughly. Probably Mr. Nivas took charge of script editing of the movie as well. The cinematography was average however a couple of songs in the movie were good.

Verdict: If I were to chose between Indiana Jones and this one, I would chose this but given an option to either watch this or lazy around in my couch, I would chose the couch! Try and not waste your time on this one. Ain’t worth it.
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Mere Baap Pahle Aap

Posted In: , , , . By John F

Please click one of the stars below the post to give your rating to the movie.

Describe the movie in one word : SleazyYetFun

Vital Stats:

Title: MERE BAAP PEHLE AAP
Director: Priyadarshan

Starring: Akshay Khanna, Paresh Rawal, Genelia D’souza, Shobhana, Rajpal Yadav

Length: 165min

My Psychobabble: If you have been reading my reviews for a while (if you did nod your head then you so rock and I am so thankful to you and maybe I will include you in my will) you would know that I am the kind of person who would always find out something or the other to say about anything. I mean I am one of those criticizing jacka$$es whom just won’t shut up.

And I know that.

But this time I just don’t know what to say. This movie is so spot on its name. Cheap, crass, rude, borderline sleazy and yet funny. Some scenes and situations in the movie do pack a few good punches while most of the others are insanely stupid. Of course having seasoned actors like Paresh Rawal and Om Puri help big time but then they are neither the SRKs, Akshay Kumar’s of Bollywood who can pull a complete movie on their own nor are they the Mallika’s and Rakhi’s of our fraternity who can pull crowds. But then bundle them together in a pot, add some good looking garnishing to it, light a moderately sleazy fire underneath, give it a few stirs and you would have a mildly amusing concoction bubbling back and forth in the pot. Give it a ridiculously stupid name and you might be able to pass it around which is what this movie tries to do.

One thing however was not clear to me. Why in the name of God did all the actors just keep shouting!? Trust me the moment the movie begins to the very moment it ends, everyone (and especially Akshay Khanna) just keeps yelling at the bloody top of their voices. It seems the script writer of the movie wanted to get the perfect blockbuster formula and ended up mixing an “angry young man” typed character with a “Akshay Kumar brand” humorous character. The mix my dear readers is not good, not good at all. At times I felt like getting up and giving a tight one across AK’s face and yell myself “for the freaking love of some God, SHUT THE F**K UP YOU IMBICILE!!!”

There are so many obvious flaws in the movie. For instance AK keeps on getting calls from this mysterious girl who is driving him mad. He is desperate to seek her out. He keeps yelling and shouting on the phone and towards the middle of the movie he does get seriously constipated with tension and anger. Yet he makes no attempt to use features like Caller Line Identification of modern day phones. And finally when the girl does send him a letter (and there is a sender’s address on that letter) AK promptly beckons his minion (Rajpal Yadav), learns some real bad swear words from him, writes them down in a letter and gives the letter to Yadav to deliver. Now one would think that after all the weeks of misery and anticipation, AK would have dashed himself to the sender’s address but no sir, not for this young man. I have my doubts that probably as soon as he sends Yadav away maybe he dashes to the lavatory to you know release the pent up tensions of the past days (ahem!).

Om Puri’s character is completely useless and probably the cheapest in the movie. But then Om Puri has played it with such a flourish that you do actually laugh at some ridiculous moments of his character. One advise to the director of the movie though – please for heaven’s sake and the sake of all humans alive, please never ever ever again shoot a sequence where Puri is topless. It was gross! He is a brilliant actor but is a middle aged average Indian male with a perfect pot belly and ultra ugly sagging man boobs. It was a nightmare having to survive that scene that seemingly stretched into infinity!

Paresh Rawal is as always a genius. This is one actor who knows acting. Cast him as an evil villain in a movie or a confused pakka maraathi or a cowering father, he can play the role as if it is his first nature. Kudos Rawal sir, kudos! I am a big fan of your acting and shall always be!

I won’t go into the leading lady of the movie and her character because frankly I think it is not worth it. But for the sake of completeness here is my advise – either learn to act or to strip or get out of Bollywood. It ain’t a place for you lassie.

Am I wrong?

(Take my advise please!)

Verdict: Besides the obvious flaws like a weak script, poor direction, lose characters, situations and dialogues the movie still is watchable. It is a perfect for one of those lazy summer days when you have absolutely nothing to do, when you feel like a Royal King or Queen in the mood to wave your hand in the air and say “chalta hai yaar”, have just found a rolled up 100 note in your old trouser pocket and are wondering what do I do with it.

 

Please
click one of the stars at the end of the review to rate the movie and
not the review! If you have not seen the movie yet then please do come
back once you have seen it and rate the movie then!





Saw this the same day as I saw the Sex and The City but just couldn’t get around to writing a review of this. Yeah life sucks :(

Anyways getting on with the review then

Describe the movie in one word: WayTooPolitical

Vital Stats:

Title: SARKAR RAJ

Director: Ram Gopal Varma

Starring:Amitabh Bachchan, Abhishek Bachchan, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Tanisha Mukherjee

Length: 145min


Plot: No matter what Ramu says this is a sequel to the first movie Sarkar. The characters are the same, the setting is same and the story actually picks up from where Sarkar ended. Shankar (Abhishek) is taking over from Amitabh Bacchan as the topmost leader of Mahrashtra and is soon becoming a pain for all his opponents. He is ruthless, sharp, courageous and doesn’t hesitate before taking a decisoin and then executing it. The movie revolves around a proposed installation of a multi billion power plant that a UK company wants to establish in Mahrashtra. However to be able to do so they need to evacuate some villages and displace locals who have been staying there forever. Anita (Aishwarya Rai Bacchan ) is the CEO of the company who with the help of certain mediators approach Abhishek to realize this project. The story revolves around the local politics that evolve around this project and how Abhishek deals with it.

My Psychobabble: Abhishek and Amitabh are both super duper fantastic in the movie. I mean goddamn it those Bacchans know how to act! Their acting is so natural, so natural that you can tell by Abhishek’s looks how constipated he has been throughout the filming of the movie. Why does he have to carry this ridiculously stupid “Oh I am so tough that I can shoot your ass off with my eyes” look all over his face? His acting is marvelous, his body language perfect and his dialogue delivery is superb. Why must then he carry that stupid expression plastered all over his face?


(Grr..I will push it out tomorrow for sure!)

Anyways despite his constipated facial expression throughout, the movie is almost enjoyable. It does turn too political towards the end (and a bit disturbing) but you cannot deny the reality of these dirty politics. However despite excellent acting by everyone and a good story line the direction of the movies isn’t that great. The movie seems to drag too slowly throughout its length. There are too many unnecessary close-up shots and too many shots in inadequate lighting. It’s almost as if Ramu is trying to cut back on the electricity costs after his certain “playing with the fire” debacle ;)

Amitabh’s transformation from a man in absolute control to a man overshadowed by his son to a seasoned player of the game who knows all the moves before they are even made is absolutely superb. Aishwarya did seem like struggling in her character at times and often kept slipping back to her “Paro in Devdaas” expressions but then it could simply be a case of her performance looking average when compared to the father and the son’s.

There are a few surprises along the way and to be honest I was pretty taken back by a few turn of events during the movie. I shall not get into details because that would mean including spoilers and I do not want to do that. I am not sure if Ramu has a third movie planned in the line but if he has I would be very interested to see how he turns the characters around this time. Do come back to my review please after you have seen the movie and you would know what I am talking about. It would be very interesting if you can share your views on this!

Verdict: If you don’t mind a very slow script you might like this movie. I did but as I said I was quiet disgusted towards the end. The politics portrayed is quiet worse than in Sarkar and towards the end it does get to you. If you are planning on watching this then make sure your nerves are totally in control!

 

Please click one of the stars at the end of the review to rate the movie and not the review! If you have not seen the movie yet then please do come back once you have seen it and rate the movie then!



Times can change a man.

Oh yes they do. Had it not been this blog of mine and my solemn pledge (that I took over a pint of excellent beer) to write honest movie reviews, I would have never ever gone out and bought a ticket for this one.

Oh yes time can really change a man.

Anyways I shall limit my psychobabble to the appropriate section and carry on with this review then.

Describe the movie in one word – Sexist (duh, as if you were expecting something else!)

Vital stats:

Title: Sex And The City: The Movie

Director: Michael Patrick King

Length: 140min

Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth, Candice Bergen Jennifer Hudson , David Eigenberg .


Plot: There is nothing much to the plot really. This is about four women (girls? Nahh!) of a “certain” age who are figuring out that life is not really a fairy tale that they grew up dreaming of. This is real world, it is harsh, rude, and dirty, it bites and yet life can be beautiful. Movie revolves around their lives, marriage, split ups, make ups etc. etc.

My Psychobabble: I would have loved to put the plot as a “saga of a beautiful journey of their togetherness, their special bond that is their friendship and their discoveries of the beauties of the world”, had it not been for their constant bitching and moaning and the extreme vanity flaunted so shamelessly in the movie. And this kind of leads me to this dilemma. When I pointed the extreme vanity, the extreme “die for a designer label” culture, the “life is perfect if you have a Louis Vutton” bag aspects of this “girlie” movie, I was instantly branded as a MCP or a sexist or you know belonging to many of other such species that are some kind of a cross between a human and some dirty animal. But when I hear girls discuss the exact same things as “all a part of being a girl” while they are nibbling over their fat free, carb free, gluten free, nut free, protein rich, vitamin sufficient, eco friendly, cat friendly, dog unfriendly candy bars, I seriously feel like yelling at the top of my voice – “but this is exactly what I was saying!!!!”.

Oh whatever!



To be honest I might have been remotely interested in the movie had it not been for the constant and I do mean constant loud shrieks of “awwwwwwwwwws!” and “oh noooooooo” and “you bastard!” from my next seat gay couple. I am not against gays really, I mean all the individual preference and “God made us all different” crap aside, honestly I am not against them or the idea at all. But there is a limit to it and that is crossed when a bald guy with a complete “Harley Davidson” biker beard and moustache and body to match the description, decides to make these noises while watching the movie and at one point actually leans and kisses his partner full on the mouth.
Yuccckkkkkkkkk!

To all my fellow dudes who would be dragged to watch this movie (either by their better halves or their compulsion to write some sort of review), I am putting together this “survival kit” for you to survive this movie.

1. Wear really bright clothes but carry a real black overall: Use the overall when you are standing in the queue for the movie (oh yes there are queues for this one!) to hide yourself from any such passer by who might chance to know you. But once inside the hall take of the overall and make sure you are prominently on the display. This movie would take the members of the fairer sex on an emotional roller coaster and dude you have some serious chance of scoring, so dress up!

2. Carry a real gadget of a phone with you and make sure it is loaded with ultra cool games. Well the movie isn’t a short one and you do need something to pass the time. Perfect for you to beat that last record of yours in that game.

3. Take out menus: Carry a bunch of take away menus from your favourite joints and try to remember the name of the dishes and the prices. Think about what all you can order as soon as you get out of the theatre! A word of warning, don’t try and order while still in the hall or else you are in some serious trouble.

4. If all else fails, wear a trouser with deep pockets so you know you can ahem play *wink wink* but be very careful lest you should be caught by someone like my next seat neighbour. Oh boy, even the thought of it sends shivers down my spine. Brrr!

PS: if you don’t listen to my warning and still try and call the take away joints while you are on the seat (trust me the compulsion and shear helplessness of your situation might want to make you end your life then and there) and you do get ssshhhh-ed by the ladies around you (or the gay couples, yup they are there too and in BIG numbers) then promptly tell them that you write movie reviews and you are going to give this one a 5 star rating. That should save your life really.

Verdict: This movie is a clich├ęd chick flick. Girls you would really enjoy this one while guys would need at least one item from my survivor list to go through this one for sure. Watch it if you must but if you can manage to steer away, do exactly that.

 

Please click one of the stars at the end of the review to rate the movie and not the review! If you have not seen the movie yet then please do come back once you have seen it and rate the movie then!


Geronimo!

It is Monday which means another weekend just zoomed by (which is a quality of weekends,they zoom by while the weekdays drag!) which means I caught at least one new movie and which also means that you have more of my psychobabble to read and thank God up above that you are at least not as miserable as yours truly here!

So the movie that I saw this weekend is titled “Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay”.

So Without further ado and idiocies let us begin, shall we?

Describe the Movie in one word – CrazyShiteThatIsSoStupidThatItIsFun!

Vital Stats:

Title: HAROLD & KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY
Director: Jon Hurwitz
Starring: John Cho, Kal Penn, Rob Corddry, Roger Bart, Neil Patrick Harris
Length: 100min


Plot: Second in the sequel of the Harold & Kumar series, this movie picks up where the first one ended. Harold wants to go to Amsterdam to surprise his girl Maria and thus takes his first vacation from his work in like ages. Obviously Kumar tags along. On the airport they run into Kumar's lost love interest Vannessa who it turns out is marrying this ultra handsome picture perfect guy whose father is George W Bush's right hand and who is super duper rich. Kumar gets seriously pissed. During the flight Kumar manages to get them both arrested as terrorists. The official who is managing FBI is this picture perfect stupid American who ships them off to Guantanamo Bay prison (google this if you don't know what this is). They however manage to escape from the prison but now they have to make their way to Texas where Kumar's ex is marrying that guy who is their only hope to get their names cleared. But they must run from the FBI, face all kind of weird situations along they way before they reach Texas.

Prez Bush makes a surprising "weed smoking" appearance

My Psychobabble: He he he! I mean LOL! I mean WTF ROTFLMAO! I mean what piece of cr*p! LOL! If you saw the first one (Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle) then you have a fairly good idea of what to expect from the Harold and Kumar series. If you are a "H n K" virgin and are planning to see this movie then dude/dudette make absolutely sure that your company(if you are not a sad alone human being who goes to the movies alone) is mature and comfortable enough to take an endless barrage of sexual inneundos, naked scenes, racist slurs, ultra high quality swearing and is someone who can be comfortable when Kumar fantisizes having a threesome with his girlfriend and a giant bag of weed(that has a ahem! opening to you know well suit Kumar's "needs").

The movie overall is crass and vulgar but like I said the makers have done such an awesome job of vulgarity and crassness that the movie actually manages to pack an almost endless bunch of laughter! Quiet a few situations have been lifted from the first movie in a way that would make you say "LOL! Not again guys, come on!!" but would surprise you in the way they unfold. Overall this movie is definitely worth a watch.

The perfect stupid American

Kal Penn and John Cho are both excellent as always. Kal has this amazing way of acting where he keeps his mouth slightly open and stares straight ahead into the space with his eyes fixed on some distant star or something and gives an expression as if he is experiencing some kind of spiritual orgasm. John Cho has perfectly played his part of a sincere guy who always gets screwed BIG time because of Kumar.

Kal's spiritual orgasm

Verdict: This movie is a genre of its own. It is not like American Pie where nudity had a certain elegance and often an illusive enigma to it. This is a true "here's my ar$e in your face and guess what, I am going to fart now" kind of humor. If you can let your hair down in a "I am her to rock and I don't care about the world way" then I would advise you to check it out at least. But do keep an open and tolerating mind. If you can manage to not judge the crassness of the scenes then trust me you would walk away with more than a few good laughs.
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About Me

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United Kingdom
Am just a spot of darkness in nothingness. You can not erase me, you can not make me darker. I will be in front of you and yet you shall not be able to spot me. Do you want to ? Do you? Then close your eyes and feel..Ssshh!! dnt speak just feel - I am the one that still breathes.