Title: Drona

Vital Stats:

Director: A real lousy one...lol! Actually G
oldie Bahel
Starring: Abhishek Bacchan, Priyanka Chopra, Kay Kay Mennon, Jaya Bacchan

Plot: According to Indian mythology there was a time when Demigods (Devtas) and Devil's disciples (Asuras) combined their effort to churn the biggest ocean in the universe for they wanted to reap the myriad treasures and magical that were burried deep within the ocean. Amongst the many such magical things that came out there was one item that was the most coveted. This was "Amrut" or the elixir of immortality. Whosoever took one sip would become immortal and would never perish. Feared that if Asuras laid their hands on this elixir they would wreak havoc, the Devtas resorted to all kinds of trickery to hide this elixir. This movie claims that amongst such measures was appointing a human warrior to protect the elixir which was promptly hidden by Devtas. This warrior was given superhuman powers and physical strenght to be able to carry out his duties. This warrior was called "Drona". Throughout ages and generations this warrior and his offsprings (all of them became "Dronas") have played their part in keeping the location of this elixir secret and hidden from pursuing Asuras. One such Asura by the name of Riz Riazada has been after this elixir ever since it was found and still is lurking on the earth in human form to obtain this elixir. Long story short, Abhishek Bacchan is Drona (though he doesnt know it himself) and Riz Riazada can only reach Amruta if he can get its secret location from Abhishek (who again doesnt know it himself). Priyanka Chopra is basically a waste of movie reel space.

My Psychobabble: I don’t really know where to start. Lately none of the movies that I saw seem interesting. They all almost bored me to death. And so after watching Taken I thought to myself that maybe I ought to bring the bar down. So for Drona I did. I brought the bar down before I went in the cinema. Half hour in the movie, I placed the bar on the ground. Another half hour and I jumped on the bar, buried it in the ground six feet deep. Another 15 minutes, the bar penetrated the core of the earth came out the other side and floated gloriously away into the unknown depths of the universe.

Behold the contribution of Goldie Bahel to Indian cinema. Ladies and gents he has given Bollywood a new standard of “low”!

There are so many serious judgmental errors that I would be writing a complete series of Brittannicca encyclopedias were I to go into details. But to bring home my point that the movie is completely, uttely, absolutely, totally and truly “rubbish”, here are a few

1. The movie is set in a Hindu mythology setting of Devils (Asuras), Demigods (Devtas), holy men (rishi muni) and ancient secrets written in Sanskrit. But here we have an old as time Asura (devil reincarnate) living on this planet who speaks nothing but Urdu!

2. Dialogues make no sense at all. Totally and utterly. For all you care the characters might recite ABCD, 01234, do re….rather than talk to each other.

3. Abhishek Bacchan’s attire was again as old as time and was supposedly given to the first Drona by Devtas themselves. Yet the dress includes stylish leather boots that have zippers on them to put them on.

4. The first fight scene featuring Priyanka Chopra..what the fock was that contraption she used, who the fock designed it and how the fock can that do anything else other than serve as a stupid trinket to compel monkeys to dance.

5. At this point the bar was out into the Universe

The movie is totally horribly wrong. The director himself was confused whether scenes were supposed to introduce thrill or humor so he basically tried to put both in and left it upon the audience to either be amused or get thrilled. The movie steals the best sequences from Hollywood hits like the Mummy, Scorpion King, Harry Potter etc and gives them a distinctively visible “Bollywood movie for the kid” feel thus rendering them horribly wrong for the majority of the audience. Abhishek's supposedly fierce warrior stances look more like positions in Bhangra dance while Priyank Chopra is as graceful with her action sequences as my 70 year old granny doing Thriller dance on top of a moving train.

Verdict: If you do go to watch this movie make sure you are not carrying any such thing that you can use to harm yourself for trust me you would feel like killing yourself during the course of the movie. Kids would love it though and if you are one of them parents whose sorry posterior would be dragged by their kids anyways then basically all I can say is cheer up! at least your kids didnt force you to suffer RGV's Aag!

If you need the sound track of the movie, drop me a comment here!